1. The Gullible One -
For the trillionth time, no, Emirates is not giving away free tickets!
Why you keep them: Their childlike naiveity can sometimes be endearing in this cynical world.
2. The King Troll -
The digital albatross around your neck, this cruellest of keyboard warriors haunts your every social media move. Abuses anything that comes close to a selfie and seemingly lives to point out misspellings in your status updates.
Why you can't remove them: It's probably your best mate.
3. The Older Sibling -
AKA the main reason you need to pre-approve anything that goes on your timeline, lest they tell Mum and Dad.
Why you keep them. Family ties and all that..and the risk of getting wedgied (do people still do that?) if you remove then.
4. *That* Couple -
You know the one. So impossibly loved up it has be for show.
Why you keep them: To see what happens when they break up.
5. The One Always Fishing For Compliments -
Status update: "TBT to when I looked this yolked!" *posts pic from nine months ago looking practically the same*
Cue 150 assorted comments of "Ah babe, what are you talking about?! You look even better now!". Desired validation achieved.
Why you keep them: You're not quite sure.
6. The Stalker -
The creepy guy/girl that you haven’t met since high school who still likes all your posts...
Why you keep them: They're the only one who likes all your posts.
7. Your Ex -
We're glad you’re happy with your new found singlehood, but could you take it down a peg with the "I'm the happiest I’ve ever been" or "the last year was a complete waste of time" schtick, we do have mutual friends you know.
Why you keep them: So you can do the same back and they see it.
8. The Human GPS -
Relentlessly checks in or tags themsleves everywhere they go, from 'dope hotels' to appointments with the dental hygiene specialist.
Why you keep them: Because, they do the same when they're out with you. And it's good for people to know you leave the house sometimes.
9. The ‘’Masterchef’’ -
Because the only thing that can make you feel worse about your four-day Dominos binge is seeing your smug mate's picture of 'home-made lima beans poached in tomato sauce spread over a toasted brioche’.
Why you keep them: Sometimes they share nice recipes.
10. The 'Human Pyramid Scheme' Shill -
Yea…still not interested in the miracle face cream buddy, and I don't care what discount you can give me.
Why you keep them: Because you can't afford a stockbroker and you're waiting for that Fortune 500 tip.
11. The Political Slacktivist -
Loves nothing more than loudy grandstanding for political causes, boring everyone to tears with 15,000 word updates on the downsides of the electoral college system. Will always have the last word in any online debate, with their dying breath if necessary.
Why you keep them: They keep you up to date with current affairs.