The term Love Bombing dates back to the 1970s as a tactic of excessive flattery used to fulfill one’s goals. In today’s online dating culture it holds a similar meaning and it is seen as a huge red flag.
What Does Love Bombing Mean Today?
Love Bombing refers to excessive attention, affection, and admiration in an attempt to coax someone or have the recipient feel indebted to the person. In essence, love bombing is about exchange but in a romantic setting, it can be seen as manipulative. When one side showers the other with compliments, gifts, and affection, the recipient feels as though they met “The One” or they may feel as though they need to repay the favor. This builds up an environment where the recipient feels like an emotional debtor and must repay what they were given and this gives power to the person who is love bombing. In reality, dating is not about quid pro quo.
Love Bombing as Red Flag
Love Bombing is highly linked with narcissism as it is a manipulation tactic to gain the upper hand in a relationship. People with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), see themselves as self-important and feel entitled to many things even when their desires disrespect the needs of others. This disorder usually stems from low self-esteem issues. Ultimately, the love bombing that comes from a narcissist comes from a goal to receive admiration and control over others for personal gain.
In the beginning, receiving affection in a love bombing situation is thrilling but it is when the affection and flattery gradually get more and more excessive that the problem kicks in. This strategy is not only meant to have the recipient under the narcissist’s thumb but also to shape and change the recipient into the narcissist’s ideal partner. When the recipient is under such an emotional debt it makes them dependent on the narcissist. This allows the narcissist to make changes to the recipient’s social life under the guise of paying their emotional debt. For example, texting you all day to the point it interrupts your work and social life.
This eventually turns into emotional abuse and creates a toxic dating life. It is when you are, one day, showered with love and affection, and then all of a sudden it stops. The affection is held over your head like a threat and is used as a method to manipulate you. In order to receive the flowers, gifts, and flattery you’d be coaxed to behave in the way the manipulator wants.
@eq_consultant This is how a #narcissist always starts a #relationship #fyp #toxic check out my podcast interview with @robmooreprogressive ♬ original sound – Rebecca P Fox
Love Bombing Online
The world of online dating is known for how difficult and treacherous it can be. From obscene pick-up lines to catfishing, there are more problems than love bombers. But love bombers are sweet and tender and you may find yourself catching feelings. Months of caramel-filled words and you could find yourself at their beck and call maybe even with a whole new wardrobe that is catered to the manipulator’s preferences. I’m sure there are plenty who have heard the line: “You’re not like other girls/guys”.
@mahkaylablack love bombing at its finest #fyp #redflags #relationship ♬ she knows – sophia💌
How to Detect Signs of Love Bombing
No. 1 is excessive flattery. They barely even know you but you’re receiving earth-shattering compliments. Phrases like “you’re the love of my life” and “I am nothing without you” before you’ve gotten to know this person is a bright red flag!
The next sign can seem obvious when it’s someone else but it is imperative to notice when it concerns yourself. It is when you’re told what you want to hear. This is in order to be in your good books and get you on their side.
Calling and texting ALL THE TIME. This kind of behavior is obsessive and manipulative but they want you to get used to it so that when it disappears you’re begging for all that attention back. These acts are also in the guise of being affectionate and tend to push your actual social life out of the manipulator’s way.
The next few behaviors are to demand your full attention for example; asking for favors like answering their texts and calls as soon as you receive them even though you’re at work. Expecting you to prioritize your relationship with them over your friendships. Getting you to distance yourself from friends and family. Getting upset when you set boundaries.
When you recognize these signs and acknowledge them, setting boundaries and cutting off the manipulator can be a good response. If you have a bad feeling about something, it is best to rely on friends, or family, or to seek a professional for help. On the chance that you’re the one performing the love bombing, seeking professional help is also the solution as it could be a response to deteriorating mental health.
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